Dear Sabrina,

This semester was a tough one for me. It really kicked my butt in terms of time management and juggling everything that was throw at me. The most disappointing thing about having to write this self reflection is not the word count or that it’s currently 11:31 pm on the night before my final, but that I know I don’t have much to boast about. This semester would probably be where my writing skills took a turn for the worse. If i’m being honest, high school was the last time I remember feeling confident in my writing. My sophomore year teacher for AP English was a hardass in the best way possible. She was ruthless but she taught me how to write a great essay in under two hours and be proud of it too. We wrote essays every week in that class and so I got used to exercising my language and grammar skills. All I would have to do is get started and soon enough the word would flow out of me. I used to have to sit and shorten my essays instead of scrambling to find words to fill the empty space in order to hit the word count! The rest of highschool to me was a joke once I left that class and the teacher ended up moving. The other teachers always asked so little of us that I could finish writing the essay on the B9 the same morning it was due, and still get nothing less than a perfect score. Even my first year of college seemed like a breeze when I wrote a 10 page research paper two days before it was due and got an A-. Looking back on those days makes me wish I still had that same passion for writing. I think my brain might have maxed out its full potential back then, so now i’m left with minimal writing skills.

I truly don’t even remember my first year of college being this bad in terms of my organizational skills and my writing skills. It feels as if I was throwing together papers last minute all semester no matter how hard I tried to avoid it. I also knew my papers were not as good as I could have made them either. I was under no illusion that my writing was anything special. The self assessments I had to do made sure that I really thought hard about the process and final piece. But a deadline is a deadline, and it’s better to turn in something you don’t really like as opposed to nothing. I did learn to be more aware of what I wrote for the self assessments though, and I did have to think about my audience and target demographics more so than usual during this semester, so that’s something I am more aware of now. Although, it doesn’t seem like so much of a big deal to be able to have your target audience pop up into your head to remind you of word choice or style when the essay wasn’t that great to begin with. It seems more like a one step forward, two steps back sort of thing.

While I can admit the actual content wasn’t that great, I was still able to do more of the behind the scenes work well enough. I’m good at things like finding reliable resources and databases which offer interesting reads and information. I am also good at integrating quotes into my writing, I don’t just throw them in there, but make sure that they are very well said, so much so that I couldn’t have paraphrased it. I also make sure to try and explain it or add a sentence or two after that can help everything flow. Although I have made some atrocious grammar mistakes in the past, I am big on flow. I think it’s important for the writing, no matter how good or bad, to have some sort of flow so that readers don’t stumble over the work and have problems following the train of thought.

I always told myself that I did my best writing at night. That a deadline motivated me and that when the stars were out and my fairy lights were on, I was most inspired. But I wonder if that was just my own laziness waiting until the last minute on the last day and me going along with it instead of challenging myself. Maybe I am the kind of person who could write first thing in the morning with my cup of coffee and my astrology journal open in front of me. This class has actually inspired me to try and write using a pen and paper, as opposed to just typing everything up. I found a 30 day writing prompt challenge which includes a bit of personal reflections as well as professional ones. I am saving it for after finals, and after my schedule shift at work to be able to get up every morning and journal for at least 15 minutes. Im hoping to clear my head as well as get used to writing more frequently. I really hope my love for writing comes back to me at some point.

For the sake of being 100 percent honest with myself, and anybody reading this or any assignments I have submitted thus far, I have not done much growing as a writer this semester. Have I tried to write papers for new genres? Yes I have. Have I tried to write in a new style in order to better match certain assignments? Yes I have. But the real question is if I was able to master it. I put in enough effort to ensure a grade above failing, but I did not truly master any of the genres or types of papers we had to write, except perhaps the technical description because it was a research paper of sorts and I am able to write that kind of paper well enough. I have hope for the future and for my writing skills to come. I am planning to take a semester off to figure out what it is that I want from life. Maybe being a psych major isn’t the right path for me. Maybe if I fall back in love with writing I can do something in that field. All I know for now is, as the semster comes to an end and everything is being sumbitted, whats done is done and I can only look forward.

Best,

Sabrina